Trust

 

 

“Can't you trust me,” Tiki asked. We were dancing the waltz and while he was taking a step forward, I was taking one to the side. We weren't working together. I wasn't following him, and consequently, our dance was falling apart.

The question hit me hard. Could I trust him? Could I give up my desire for control and just follow where ever he lead me? Even though the direction he was going wasn't the way I wanted to go or thought was good. Could I just calmly follow without any resistance?

In ballroom dancing, the man leads, the woman follows. Therefore the woman needs to give up her desire for power – for control. She is usually going backwards, therefore she needs to trust him to guide her. If they work together, the dance is beautiful. If they don't it completely falls apart. Of course, the man doesn't have complete freedom to do whatever he wants. He must follow the rules of the dance, he is responsible for keeping the woman from running into walls (or other dancers). At times, he even lifts her up, being careful not to drop her. He is there to make her look beautiful. To be her partner. Dancing truly is a lesson in trust....

I contemplated this question for a long time during our rehearsal – not being able to come to a solid conclusion. I still thought my way was better than Tiki's. I still wanted to go my direction – not his. I wanted to lead. I wanted to be in control. I didn't want to be submissive. No matter how hard I tried, part of me still wasn't willing to trust him fully.

Later that evening, during my personal devotions, I was faced with the original question again. “Can't you trust me?” Currently, I am doing a wonderful Beth Moore Bible study on King David, and the evening's assigned reading was Psalms 91.

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

As I contemplated these words, I asked myself. Do I really trust God? I say I do, but in my heart, do I really? Am I willing to completely submit to His leading even when I can't see where I am going? Do I truly believe that He will guide me through the dance floor of life guiding me through obstacles and challenges. Do I rest in him, believing that he will lift me up and never drop me? That His plan is more beautiful and wonderful than I could ever hope or imagine?

In the accompanied reading to my devotions, Beth Moore reiterated that we must trust in God at all times. At ALL TIMES. She also pointed at that we can trust people to be people, but we can't trust them to be god. In fact, man makes a very poor god. She stated that the question isn't “Can we trust another person?” but instead “Can we trust God with the person?” As I contemplated this question, I changed it a bit. It usually isn't people that I struggle with, but more situations. So, my new question became, "Can I trust God with the situations that I am currently facing?"

Can I trust HIM to work out a way to ship my harp home, that won't cost $13,000? Can I trust HIM to find me a job even though everything looks so slim right now? Can I trust HIM to work out every detail in my life even if it isn't what I had hoped or dreamed? Can I trust HIM to have a perfect plan for my life even though I desperately wanted to go to graduate school and it really seems like I might not be able to? Can I trust HIM with the lives of my family, my friends, my students, my teachers – everyone that I hold so dear and daily pray for? Can I trust HIM to do a good work in my life even though I have no idea what it is that He wants me to do? Can I give up my desire for control? My struggle for power? My desire to be in charge? Can I meekly and faithfully follow his leading knowing that His path is far better for me than I could ever hope or dream? Can I give up my fears of the unknown?

Trust – reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence

Going back to the dance floor, I have reason to trust my teacher, Suzuki先生.  He knows more than me. After all, he is a professional dancer and knows far more than for me. As for Tiki, we are both students. We are at the same level. We are both learning, so following his leading is sooooo much harder. But why is it that I can trust Suzuki先生 but not God? Hasn't God been even more faithful? Hasn't He always lead me correctly? He has worked out every detail in my life before. Just like Suzuki先生will guide me on the dance floor gently directing with just a tiny signal from his hand or body, so God will guide me on “life's floor."  Although it may be a bit contrived, I recently read a description for the word “guidance”: God, U and I dance. He leads, I follow.  Can I truly do so? He has ever been faithful so you would think that I could. But currently, I can't. I am struggling..... Please pray for me.  I want to be a beautiful "dancer" but I need Grace!!