Trust

 

 

“Can't you trust me,” Tiki asked. We were dancing the waltz and while he was taking a step forward, I was taking one to the side. We weren't working together. I wasn't following him, and consequently, our dance was falling apart.

The question hit me hard. Could I trust him? Could I give up my desire for control and just follow where ever he lead me? Even though the direction he was going wasn't the way I wanted to go or thought was good. Could I just calmly follow without any resistance?

In ballroom dancing, the man leads, the woman follows. Therefore the woman needs to give up her desire for power – for control. She is usually going backwards, therefore she needs to trust him to guide her. If they work together, the dance is beautiful. If they don't it completely falls apart. Of course, the man doesn't have complete freedom to do whatever he wants. He must follow the rules of the dance, he is responsible for keeping the woman from running into walls (or other dancers). At times, he even lifts her up, being careful not to drop her. He is there to make her look beautiful. To be her partner. Dancing truly is a lesson in trust....

I contemplated this question for a long time during our rehearsal – not being able to come to a solid conclusion. I still thought my way was better than Tiki's. I still wanted to go my direction – not his. I wanted to lead. I wanted to be in control. I didn't want to be submissive. No matter how hard I tried, part of me still wasn't willing to trust him fully.

Later that evening, during my personal devotions, I was faced with the original question again. “Can't you trust me?” Currently, I am doing a wonderful Beth Moore Bible study on King David, and the evening's assigned reading was Psalms 91.

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

As I contemplated these words, I asked myself. Do I really trust God? I say I do, but in my heart, do I really? Am I willing to completely submit to His leading even when I can't see where I am going? Do I truly believe that He will guide me through the dance floor of life guiding me through obstacles and challenges. Do I rest in him, believing that he will lift me up and never drop me? That His plan is more beautiful and wonderful than I could ever hope or imagine?

In the accompanied reading to my devotions, Beth Moore reiterated that we must trust in God at all times. At ALL TIMES. She also pointed at that we can trust people to be people, but we can't trust them to be god. In fact, man makes a very poor god. She stated that the question isn't “Can we trust another person?” but instead “Can we trust God with the person?” As I contemplated this question, I changed it a bit. It usually isn't people that I struggle with, but more situations. So, my new question became, "Can I trust God with the situations that I am currently facing?"

Can I trust HIM to work out a way to ship my harp home, that won't cost $13,000? Can I trust HIM to find me a job even though everything looks so slim right now? Can I trust HIM to work out every detail in my life even if it isn't what I had hoped or dreamed? Can I trust HIM to have a perfect plan for my life even though I desperately wanted to go to graduate school and it really seems like I might not be able to? Can I trust HIM with the lives of my family, my friends, my students, my teachers – everyone that I hold so dear and daily pray for? Can I trust HIM to do a good work in my life even though I have no idea what it is that He wants me to do? Can I give up my desire for control? My struggle for power? My desire to be in charge? Can I meekly and faithfully follow his leading knowing that His path is far better for me than I could ever hope or dream? Can I give up my fears of the unknown?

Trust – reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence

Going back to the dance floor, I have reason to trust my teacher, Suzuki先生.  He knows more than me. After all, he is a professional dancer and knows far more than for me. As for Tiki, we are both students. We are at the same level. We are both learning, so following his leading is sooooo much harder. But why is it that I can trust Suzuki先生 but not God? Hasn't God been even more faithful? Hasn't He always lead me correctly? He has worked out every detail in my life before. Just like Suzuki先生will guide me on the dance floor gently directing with just a tiny signal from his hand or body, so God will guide me on “life's floor."  Although it may be a bit contrived, I recently read a description for the word “guidance”: God, U and I dance. He leads, I follow.  Can I truly do so? He has ever been faithful so you would think that I could. But currently, I can't. I am struggling..... Please pray for me.  I want to be a beautiful "dancer" but I need Grace!!

DWTG Dance Party

This Sunday was our ballroom dancing showcase performance.  Go here for more pictures!

The Great Clothes Out

This past weekend, Sarah and I decided to have a give away of everything we can't take back with us.  I never realized that the two of us actually accumulated so much!

In Memory....

When I first came to Japan, I had so many problems riding the bus (remember this post?).  This picture is a positive reminder of how far I have come -- it is the "stop bus" button.  Four years later I can not only proudly stop the bus at the right stop, I can also read what it says ;-)  I'm hardly fluent in Japanese, but it is nice every once in a while to look back and see how much I have improved!

Eclipse!!

Surprisingly, I got relatively decent pictures on my cellphone camera while waiting for the bus to school!

How four years will change you...

Not too long ago I completely bypassed a hamburger, chips, and Coke to satisfy my craving for a natto onigiri (rice ball stuffed with fermented beans), Japanese pickles, and barely tea.  Four years ago, I would have never predicted it!!

I love English in Japan!

Fruit and Cheese Night!

Because Kathy and Lauren were desperately craving cheese several weeks ago (a common craving for foreigners here in Japan) so Sarah and I decided to host a cheese and fruit night.  (No, it wasn't anyone's birthday, we just used the birthday plates so we didn't have to wash dishes ;-)

Breathe, just breathe...

Thanks to Sarah, the adventures of today have now forever been saved in picture form.  Yes, that's me hiding under the blanket.  What you don't see is the bowl of steam I am desperately trying to inhale, the look of panic in my eyes as I gasp for breath, or the tears flowing down as I realize I can't breathe.  

I am so grateful to have been blessed with dear Christian friends who know how to handle asthma attacks and hyperventilation, who insist upon taking me to the hospital, and who are willing to assist me through all the Japanese medical stuff.  God has been so gracious!!!

My Happy Place

Hamamatsu -- the city of water and pines

I went home yesterday....  I went back to where my adventure here in Hamamatsu all started.  I went back to my little fishing village -- Bentenjima.  I have been meaning to go back for quite a while but each time something happens and I don't make it.  But, yesterday, I was determined.  I wanted to go back.  I wanted to feel the sand in my toes again.  I wanted to see the ocean again.  I wanted to splash in the waves.  And I wanted to properly say goodbye.  I was so blessed.  It was so  beautiful.  I have never seen the weather so gorgeous or the water so clear!  For hours, I just enjoyed my quiet beach.

the Bentenjima torii gate

the bridge to my old apartment (the wind destroyed many an umbrella on this bridge)

my neighborhood boats

shells drying -- they have quite a unique "scent" -- one that I finally have learned to appreciate

breakfast -- homemade melon pan (a Japanese bread I have come to love)

the clear, clear water

My time here in Japan may be like footsteps in the sand -- soon to be washed away in people's memories.  But, for me, the experience will always remain.  The journey has been too amazing.  Oh, how I will miss this country, its people, and all that it has taught me!

Japanese Cooking Part 2

This past week I decided to try cooking an "entire" Japanese meal.  Half worked!  The other half -- well, let's just say I'm not opening a Japanese restaurant anytime soon!!!!  

I heard somewhere that a Japanese cook's first assignment is cutting  cucumbers!!!

The menu -- miso soup, rice, horensonogomae (spinach with sesame dressing), tamagoyaki, and cucumber sesame salad (I never did figure out the Japanese name for it!)

I should wear this on a T-shirt!

Cooking in Japan

One of my goals when coming to Japan was to learn how to cook Japanese food.  However, when I first got here, I ate it so much at school that on the weekends, it was the last thing that I wanted to prepare.  Now though, it is as much as a part of me as any Western dish.  Unfortunately, in the past almost four years, I haven't actually attempted to make it (minus the sushi incident from two years ago).  I guess I keep on hoping that somebody would teach me, but the sooner August approaches, the more I have realized that if I want to learn how to cook, I need to teach myself.  I don't want to end up in the United States with Japanese food cravings and only a rice cooker to appease them!  With this in mind and a relatively free weekend, I decided that it was time to face the challenge! 

 

My first step was to find several recipes that looked interesting and in the meantime decipher the basic Japanese food staples.  With a dictionary in hand, I headed to the supermarket to buy such things as dashi (だし), mirin (味醂), sake (酒), miso (味噌), and shoyu (醤油).  I even bought of cooking chopsticks just for the fun of it!  

My first recipe -- nikujaga (肉じゃが) or literally "meat potato."  According to my former vice principal, its origins aren't actually Japanese, but instead was the product of a failed attempt at making stew.  However, for me, I first ate it in Japan and will always consider it the Japanese version of "pot roast." 

 

After cooking it for forever (almost to the point where I became sick of the smell) it was finally ready.  The results: quite delicious, but slightly salty!  Next time, I will modify the broth, add some more veggies, tofu, and even maybe some konyaku (an interesting calorie-free Japanese jelly that is actually illegal in the United States due to its possible choking hazard)

 

My next cooking attempt -- tamagoyaki.  Basically, a sweetened rolled egg, it is frequently seen in Japanese bento (lunch boxes).  It is high in protein and very yummy.  At first, I was a bit intimidated by the rolling technique, but I think I actually was quite successful.  (In fact, when I offered Sarah a piece, her first response was "It looks real!!"  The taste results: the eggs were too sweet -- next time, I need to cut down the sugar.

As for my next cooking project, the ingredients are already in the fridge.  I plan on making miso soup (みそ汁).  After rice, it is probably the most eaten food here in Japan (and definitely one of my absolute favorite dishes).  After that.... well, I have a growing list of recipes I want to try.  Stay posted for more pictures!  And, who knows, if I actually get good enough, I might actually cook for you!

Nagoya Aquarium!

Yesterday we took a day trip to the Nagoya Aquarium which recently acquired some killer whales.  Unfortunately, my cellphone camera doesn't take very good "underwater" pictures.  So even though we saw lots of neat creatures, these were the only two pictures that came out decently.

If you give the ALT a flag...

Three years ago I made this post.  Its amazing how much one can learn in three years!

Mathilda I am not....

So our ballroom dancing teacher somehow convinced the Dancing with the Gaijin (gaijin means "foreigner") group to join a huge dance presentation at the end of May.  It should be fun.  We girls will be   wearing CRAZY black formal dance dresses (I think they are crazy and I have all kinds of formals in my closet ;-).  The boys will be in suits.  The six of us will be presenting three dances -- the waltz, the cha-cha, and the jitterbug (my personal favorite!).  We have also been told to be prepared to dance with professionals during the "free dance" period.  EEEEEEK!!!  Since none of us actually take our bi-monthly lessons that seriously and enjoy laughing together more than dancing, it will be an experience to say the least ;-)  I came across this video today and thought it was good inspiration...  Needless to say, I don't dance Mathilda!

P.S.  Watch for her partner crossing himself at 1:35...  If I was Catholic, I probably would be doing the exact same thing!

Anchelee and Tetsuya's Wedding

The happy couple

Staring into my music...

The "after party"

HSK Concert

The concert was Sunday night and my prayers were answered in so many ways!!!  I wasn't nervous, I hardly coughed (I have been fighting bronchitis for over a month now), my harp string didn't break, and the best part -- so many nonbelievers came including 6 different teachers I work with (bringing their families in tow).  I think that my church members were surprised at all of the new faces since half of the attendees were visitors.  The exciting thing was that several of the guests mentioned that it was the first time they had ever been in a church and how nervous they had felt, but how they really enjoyed it.  I am so thankful for God's faithfulness!

   

Guess whose happy to be done!

One of my favorite parts after every concert is when my guests want to look, touch, and play the harp.  I remember the joy I had when I first saw one up close so I always love to share it with others!

The three girls in front are one of my elementary school teacher's daughters.  They enjoyed being at church so much that there mother asked about coming back.

Meet Yuri-chan -- she may be the smallest church member, but she has the biggest smile and the best hugs!

I even got some surprise flowers!!  (Aren't the purple roses neat?)