I had my last Japanese class this week.
We spent the first 20 minutes racing through the last few exercises
in my textbook. "You might not remember everything," my
teacher said, "but at least you are officially done!" The
rest of the time we worked on goodbye speeches. I have so many to
give these next few weeks. I want each one to be meaningful, but,
oh, how I hate goodbyes!!
After class, we had tea time. We
always have tea time -- we have done it every Tuesday night for the
past three years. Mrs. Takeyama faithfully prepares us a dessert.
Sometimes it's a homemade goodie. Sometimes, it's an exciting Japanese
sweet. Sometimes it's a special surprise -- like the time I mentioned
that my favorite food was ice cream... This evening was one of those
special surprise nights. The surprise was once again ice cream.
But, it wasn't just ice cream -- it was cake and
ice cream. But it wasn't just cake -- it was homemade chocolate
cake in the shape of a heart. As I stared at my plate, four years of
memories flooded back to the day of Operation Keki (click to watch the video)
Yes,
it has been almost four years since I made that video. I was so
lonely that day. I wanted something to do and somebody to do it
with. But, I had no friends in Japan and since I also had no
Internet at the time, I couldn't connect with my friends in the
States. I felt completely isolated. How I wanted to share an
experience with someone. How I wanted to make memories. I wanted to
build relationships. But I couldn't and I was depressed. After
several very lonely days of feeling sorry for myself, I realized I
needed to get out of my slump. I realized that the way I handled my
experiences in Japan was my choice. I could just sit around and feel
sorry for myself or I could try to find the beauty in even the
smallest things.
So,
I there I was, feeling like a fool, making a video and hoping that
when I finally did get Internet, I could at least bring a smile to
the faces of the people back home. I wanted to show them that I
could survive in Japan -- that I was doing alright! When I finally
was able to post the video, I was so overwhelmed by everyone's
comments and support. Knowing that I had people in the States
cheering me on while I was struggling in Japan made me realize that I
could go further. I could try harder. Maybe, I could actually make
friends and build relationships with the people here, too.
How
things have drastically changed these past four years. Those lonely
moments are gone. I would have never guessed that my "Mission
Impossible: Operation Keki" would eventually turn into "Mission
Possible: Operation Kankei." I now have so many wonderful
people here in Japan who love and support me. The cake itself was a
symbol of that.
In
the past four years, I have been overwhelmingly blessed by so many
people. I'll never forget the sleepless nights, the hidden fears,
the heart-wrenching pleas with God regarding my loneliness and my
desire to share His love with others by building solid relationships.
How I feared that I, as a tall, blonde American who spoke
super-crazy Japanese would never fit in. And I was right! I don't
"fit in," but that doesn't mean I don't belong. God
brought me here and He has blessed me more than I could ever express.
My heart is overflowing with gratitude for His faithfulness.
As
my teacher cut the cake, I felt like the knife was stabbing my own
heart. In many ways, I feel like after four years I have become
half-Japanese. Saying goodbye to this beloved country and its people
is one of the most heart-wrenching things that I have ever had to
endure. Leaving Japan is harder than leaving the USA, for I don't
know when (or if) I will ever be back. Every day is a goodbye -- to
a person, a place, a favorite activity... I pray for God's strength
as I handle each one. I want each to be special and memorable, not
only for me, but especially for those with whom I am sharing these
final moments.
Mrs.
Takeyama's cake was sweeter and more delicious than my rice-cooker
cake, and I am glad it was! It should be!! After all, relationships
and adventures, too, are much sweeter when they can be shared with
others. So, as much as I really, really, really hate goodbyes and I feel like my heart is being cut in half, I am
so grateful to have them. Because each of these last moments is a
special reminder of how much I have been blessed here in Japan -- far
greater than I could have ever imagined that lonely night I first
embarked on a mission!
