Today was the day I dreaded all Christmas holidays. Today was the day I had to officially declare my intention for the August 2011-August 2012 school year. Way back when, I thought this day would never happen. You see, most ALTs don't make it this far. Three years is usually the maximum. However, I was offered the position to stay a fourth.
Had you asked me this summer what I was going to do, my answer would have been a whole-hearted reply "I'm
going home!!!" Honestly, this past year has been really, really tough. I know I haven't gone into much detail on this blog, and there are reasons for that decision (mostly because 1: the purpose of this blog is to remember the positive experiences of Japan and 2: all of the toughness led to very little free time -- hence no postings of any sort). But back to the summer, yes, I probably told many of you that there was no way I was planning on surviving yet another year in Japan. Don't get me wrong. I have enjoyed my time in Japan -- I really have, but the stress of living in such a cold country (both weatherly and emotionally) does take its toll.
However, right before Christmas, the offer to stay another year was given. Oh, how I struggled, pondered, prayed, played the devil's advocate, and asked every member of my family's opinion regarding what I should do. I wanted someone to give me the answer. But nobody could. Even God seemed silent. "Why, oh why?!?!" I pleaded. However, I didn't want to make a hasty decision. I didn't want to go home because it was the easy way out nor did I want to stay in Japan because I have a stable job. I wanted to go where God was leading me. So I prayed for peace.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27)
You know, it's interesting. Every time I come to a difficult decision, the same thing happens. I get worried. I fret. I am anxious. I ask God to let me know NOW!!! He never does. It's not until the very last minute that all the details work out. But, they always eventually work out, and then I never regret the decision because I am so confident that that is what he wants me to do, that I am at perfect peace. This time was no different. All through December and January I have fretted. I have prayed. I have probably driven more than one family member or friend crazy as I rehashed over and over the pros and cons of staying or leaving. I have struggled with my emotions. I have wrestled with God's will. I have sobbed....
But today, I had my meeting and you know what, I feel at perfect peace!

As for next year's plan? Well, don't ask me - only God knows. All I know is that it involves fish ;-)