Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. (Hebrews 11:1)
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Just recently, a friend asked me how I was preparing to leave Japan. As of this past week, its official – my time in Japan will end with the closing of my contract August 3rd. “Its so hard,” I said, “an emotional roller coaster. I'm a very loyal person and I hate letting go.”
Letting go. Change. Having faith in God's perfect plan. Oh, these are the things that I have always struggled with. I actually find it interesting that God always puts me in situations where I must once again be faced with those three important lessons. I guess I still haven't learned them!
Ever since I was eight, I felt God leading me to Japan. The doors didn't open until over 17 years later, but I knew this is where I was supposed to be. Looking back over the past 3.5 years, I have come to profound realization. When I came here, I thought that God was bringing me here to be a teacher -- to teach others. I thought that I would be the one to cause change. Instead, I have realized that it is I who has had to be changed. I have become the student. God brought me here to learn lessons – lessons in humility, in trust, in relationships, and in stepping out of my comfort zone. Lessons that I could have, for some reason only learned here.
But, letting go, oh how hard that is!! I know without a doubt, that God is calling me back to the USA. For how long? I don't know. As much as I would love to come back here and be part of his plan in Japan, I also realize that He may have a different plan for my life. Thus, when I ultimately say goodbye, it may be forever! Although I can't focus on that thought, even now, tears well up in my eyes. Japan has become my adopted home, and although we don't always see eye-to-eye (and communication isn't exactly a strong point in our relationship :-), I have learned so much from the country and its people – my people! My students, my teachers, my friends. Ultimately, I will have to leave them behind trusting that God will finish the work that He has so faithfully started. He faithfully started. It has had nothing to do with me. I should just be so blessed that I was given a chance to be here, even if it was for a short time...
In the meantime, I have to also trust Him about the perfect plan He has for my life. What is He calling me to do now? What doors will He open? Today in church, the pastor was speaking from Psalms 31 about trusting God even when things are challenging or don't go our way. If we trust in Him, He will lead us into the best plan for our life. Sometimes, that plan may not be easy (or it may not make sense to us) but in his perfect plan it is the best. Our perspective and His is oh, so different! I guess its like looking at the world through a paper tube. We are blinded from the periphery, whereas God can see everything -- the past, the present, and the future. I am so blessed that I have a wonderful Heavenly Father to whom I can cling. He has faithfully lead me this far, I know He will continue to do so.
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| On my star is written my New Year's wish ~ to have genuine Faith, Hope, and Love |
"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:24b
