"I'm a bicycle!" and other brilliant attempts at Japanese

There is a reason that these days portable electronics are brightly colored. If somebody happens to drop one on the bus, they can be easily spotted (not like I have any experience doing that, heeheehee..) Well, I am pleased to report that in my own collection of items, my cellphone is neon green, my Ipod is in a hot pink protective case, and my camera is an a turquoise and pink bag. So, in the case of a spilled purse all items are easily identified. Unfortunately, my most important electronic these days -- my Japanese/English dictionary -- is not a member of the "ABBC" (A.K.A. the "All thing Bright and Beautiful Club") Due to its lack of eye-catching appeal, it can easily slip under a bus seat unnoticed (Not like that has ever happened either!) For the sake of the argument, let's just say it did happen... Well, for starters, I would not tell my school, my neighbors, or my LOLs that I lost yet another thing.... They would deport me for sure (and currently I don't have a passport)! So, it would make more sense to file a missing items report myself. Knowing that Japanese people usually are honest and assuming that I correctly filled out the report, let's just say that I received a phone call from the Bus Station's Lost and Found (LF) Department saying that the missing item had been located. Let's now eavesdrop on the "pretend" all-Japanese conversation

LF: Hello, thisis completelyindistinguisablespeedspeakingperson
Emily: Hello, this is Emily Toelcke
LF: Hello? Hello?
Emily: Emily Toelcke
LF: somethingsomething did you lose blahblah
Emily: Dictionary. Yesterday.
LF: Do you understand Japanese?
Emily: A little...
LF: Just a moment...
Emily: Okay
LF: Emily-san?
Emily: Yes.
LF: somethingelsecompletelyindescernablethatwaswaytoofast
Emily: Yes
LF: blahblahblahblahblah close in ten minutes. 7 o'clock. Okay?
Emily: Yes, yes.
LF: Tomorrow somethingwillhappenmaybeitsbettertocometomorrowbutfranklyIhavenoidea
Emily: Today. Now. Come. Dictionary.
LF: lkadfsijfslaskdjfoiwerjlaksdjfoijewlrkajdfoidsuajlskdjroaweiruadbflkdsjfaosifhs
Emily: Thank you.
LF: lkjasdofielakjwfoidsajlkejraosidfuskajrf;lewiaskjdfh

Knowing I only have ten minutes to obtain my communicator, I high-tail down three flights of stairs, weave through hoards of businessmen leaving work, and race (as fast as one can run in heels) toward the bus terminal. With three minutes to spare I fling open the door and announce "I'm a bicycle!!!" What I of course mean to say is I lost my dictionary, but alas, that too is failed to be expressed. However, the Lost and Found men are quite bright. Not long before a dictionary had been returned. Here in front of them stands a blonde, proclaiming herself to be a man-powered two-wheel person mover. Could they in some way be connected? Nah...that would be too obvious!!!