My LOL Collection

Here in Japan, it is perfectly normal to have a favorite "character" -- i.e Mickey Mouse, Hello Kitty, Anpanman (a guy with a head made of bean-paste filled bread), or Doraemon (a blue robotic cat from the future without any ears), to name a few. After one claims a favorite character, then it is only appropriate to buy every little possible knickknack festooned with the choice. From toothpaste to pencils to portable hand towels to toilet seat covers to seaweed to you name it, Japan has it!

As I recently reviewed my "collection" I realized that in actuality my favorite "character" is not from anime, but instead consistes of real people. My collection is that of little old ladies (or as my other ALT friend's fondly refer to them -- LOLs). My first group of LOLs are my LOL students, a collection of neighborhood ladies ranging in age from about 80-82. One has an incredibly high level of English and chatters away the entire class period while the others politely grin and nod. Another almost cried the first class when I asked her< "How was your day?". She was sooooo nervous, but by the second class she was prepared as she had diligently looked up and neatly written each word to introduce herself. She spoke in an inaudible whisper and her hands were shaking as she tried to communicate with me.

My second group of LOLs are my random neighborhood friends. From the sweet lady on the bus who says good morning to me everyday and clucks at the bus driver if he doesn't stop for me to the random old ladies walking their dogs, I seem to attract them all. Then there is the LOL who almost sliced my leg off one day as she was wielding a machete to cut down weeds right in the path of my daily bus sprint. And, there is the matriarch of my photographer neighbors who always insists on either feeding me or sending me home with dinner every time I stop by to ask a question (I don't mind her generosity in the least, but I do feel guilty now stopping by!) To the group I can now add the the dry cleaner's wife (see below) and his next door neighbor grocery who enjoyed following me around, grinning, and asking me all kinds of questions in Japanese as I examined her fruits and veggies.

My third group of LOLs are my church LOLs. Although there are two in particular -- Mihoko and Kuniko -- who especially look after me, there are definitely others who want to join in the fun. In fact, at a recent church dinner, several LOLs literally scrambled to see who could sit at the same table as me. Then when I accidentally sneezed, two jumped up to get me a wool shawl, another chided at the men for opening the window, while others bustled off to get me another cup of hot tea. Included in this lovely group of "mother hens" is the pastor's wife who has said that she wishes she wasn't under the rules and regulations of being a Japanese pastor's wife because she would like to join in our merriment (like going to take purikura, visiting a garden on Sunday, and having impromptu ice cream treats). Then, there is the "doctor's wife" who brought me an entire stack of Mother Goose books and tapes each diligently coded so that I could share them with my elementary students (and when she found out I didn't have a tape player, she insisted that her husband buy one for me!) There is also the LOL who enjoys giving me Werther's Original Caramels in church (and reminds me of my own grandma). And there is the LOL who tries to hush her grandson every week only to have him say "Hello, Emily-san" right in the middle of the service. She has also promised to sometimes teach me the Japanese tea ceremony.

My most recent LOL acquisitions include three ladies at the local cultural center who decided that it would be fun to dress up a group of us ALT girls in silk kimonos (remind me to post the pictures sometime!) and then invited us to participate in a Japanese fashion contest for foreigners in July (look for those pictures around the 15th). Additionally, there is a new secretary at school who asks me a new question approximately every three days. I believe she has been mulling over the question all that time, working on how to word it exactly right. She also enjoys looking out for me and readily makes me a cup of coffee every time she sees my eyelids droop around 3:30 in the afternoon.

I have really been blessed with my LOL collection. I am so grateful that God has brought so many wonderfully sweet women into my life here in Japan. I am even more grateful that my powers of attraction are towards the older, fairer sex as my brunette friends continue to collect creepy stalkerish men. Oh, the blessings of being blonde!

Only in Japan (Part 2)

While I was typing the below epic, my doorbell rang. It was the postman with a box. I was totally surprised as my mail had already been delivered for the day. However, there he stood obviously very proud of himself. He had come back after 7 because he remembered that I always call the P.O when I get an undeliverable notice and request for the boxes to be delivered after 7! Awww....

Only In Japan

Today I decided to go on a new adventure -- to the dry cleaners! As I am currently packing up all my winter clothes for the move (more on that later), I thought it might be a good idea to get some of them cleaned for the long summer ahead.

I actually have been to the dry cleaners once before so I was prepared to conquer Level 1 -- "Drop Off the Clothes and Schedule a Pick-up Date." Today, though, my plan was to conquer Level 2 -- "Get My Pants Altered." Okay, okay, I know that hemming pants is no big deal. For most individuals, all it requires is a needle and thread. But, I have been spoiled my entire life and the stages of hemming pants has been 1) pick up the phone 2) dial Grandma or Lillis (whoever happens to be closer) 3) Have beautifully hemmed pants.

I have to confess that I actually considered attempting to hem my own pants, I could just hear the aforementioned seamstresses saying "Its not hard. You can do it!" but pants are a valuable commodity for me here in Japan and I didn't dare to be stubborn and experiment with cutting and poking holes in them. So, it was off to the dry cleaners.

Utilizing my very snazzy and incredibly useful electronic dictionary, I successfully asked the dry cleaner if they altered suits. He did look a little confused as I had no suits in my stash but when I started waving the pants in front of him, he ultimately got the point. Then he asked "the question," for which I was so unprepared -- "How many centimeters?" First of all, I don't think in centimeters. I know I am 175 cm (I had to look that up since my height is frequently a topic of conversation) and I used to be the tallest in school (until several of my boys had growth spurts) but that's it. I had no idea what to tell him, and frankly, I hadn't even thought about the question in inches for whenever I have had something altered the seamstress just "eyeballs" it and makes mental notes all while telling me to stand still or I will be pricked with a pin. But then again, this is Japan, and here nobody makes an individual decision -- group consensus is required! So, I just looked at him and said "wakarimasen" (I don't know). After hearing my reply, the dry cleaner went pattering off in his work slippers in search of his wife. Soon they both returned and she asked me the same question to which her husband babbled off something in Japanese (probably "the blonde over there has no idea so we need to help her out") She then promptly invited me to follow her through the shop into their adjoining kitchen.

Yes, the kitchen! I just stared at her for a moment and then realized that I was supposed to strip and put the pants in question on. Of course I felt crazy. Here I am standing in a random Japanese person's kitchen and I am supposed to undress. Yikes!!! Right at that moment, the lady decided she desperately needed to find something in the other room, so I was left to undress in peace with only the refrigerator to watch me. Soon, she came pattering back with a ruler. When she saw my pants she said (as far as I could translate) "Are you sure you want them to be altered?" My Japanese is too poor to say, "Yes please. Even though they look okay now, when I sit down, the end of the pants go up past my ankles so a little extra length would be appreciated." Instead I said, "My shoes are tall, thus the pants need to be longer." Okay, I take that back, my Japanese was too poor to say that too. What I really did say was "shoes" and got on my tippy-toes while pointing to my ankles. The lady understood, took out her ruler and told me 30 cm was recommended. "Was 30 cm okay? Was I positive that 30 cm would be okay. Did her husband agree that 30 cm was alright?"

Now, I must wait till July 4th to acquire my pants, which will be 30 cm longer or -- heaven forbid that I actually completely misunderstood -- 30 cm shorter. Which will it be? I'll keep you posted :-)

The English Test

Today my kids had their end of the term English listening/writing test. Even though I don't teach these aspects of the subject, I offered to help grade the piles and piles of paper (think over 400 assessments!) Anyway this is how the test was supposed to go for the first years:

Do you have brothers and sisters?

Yes, I do.

How many brothers and sisters do you have?

I have one brother and two sisters. How about you?

I have two brothers.

This is how the test went for one student.

Are you a brother and sister?

Yes, it is.

How many brother and sister?

Brother one. Sister two. How about you?

Brother two.

Dr. Seuss anyone?

Yum!

You've got to love Japanese creativity!

Now the question is, does the antioxidants from the green tea flush out the chemicals from the Coke thus providing the drinker with a fully-balanced beverage?

Why am I a submarine?

Many of you have asked why I have officially become a submarine in the cyberworld of the Internet. The answer is actually two-fold. First, I have received several emails (some of them slightly creepy) from unknowns commenting on my blog. Although, I don't feel like my personal safety has been compromised, the emails have been a reminder that the Internet isn't as secure as we often feel it is. And, although, I doubt I currently have any stalkers, my every action is closely observed by those around me (no kidding -- the taxi cab drivers know where the tall, blonde in hot pink lives!). Thus, I would prefer to not publicly publicize my thoughts and activities. Secondly, my hiring organization recently sent out a notice to all ALTs that to post pictures publicly on the Internet of our students is a felony since it breaches the minors' privacy rights. As I love to show you my students, I decided it would make more sense to close my blog to the greater world, than to eliminate all pictures of "my kids." However, now that the blog is closed, it doesn't mean that new readers can't be added. If you know of someone who wants to join in following my adventure, just have them send me an email and I will add them to the list! Happy Reading! Or should I say, "Happy Diving"?

I Love English in Japan (Part 7)

The "R" / "L" confusion -- it gets them all the time!

How was your weekend?

This past week, my second-year junior high school students (ie 8th graders) played Pictionary. The categories paralleled the three questions in their conversation test: How are you? How was your weekend? What did you do? The students gleefully shared their artistic talent with one another as they guessed each others answers. However, one group was laughing a bit too hard, so I went over to investigate. The cause of merriment?? The below picture depicting "It was boring."

Biwa it may....

Ten years ago while staying at my Japanese house family's house, I noticed some beautiful oranges on the family's Shinto shrine. "A gift for the gods," I thought. That evening I was served one the most delicious fruits I had ever tasted. "Ahhh, if I could eat this everyday, I would never feel the urge to eat dessert again!" Later that night, I noticed shrine was empty. Had the gods enjoyed their present? Um, no! I had!!!!

For ten years, now, I have searched for the "fruit of the gods", but alas, my quest has been futile. That is, until last week at school lunch! Yes, during my daily "treasure hunt" I was served golden biwas alongside the silvery minnows with "diamond" eyes. If I was Japanese, I would say it was a "gift from the gods." Since, I'm not, I will just say the lunch-lady was kind to me that day. Biwa it may, I have been given a reunited with my long-lost, Japanese loquat.

Announcement

Sadly, due to a security breach , I will be soon making this blog password protected. If you would like to have the password, please email me and I will send it to you. Otherwise, the blog will be closed to the "public."

Mihoko-san's Birthday Party!!!

This past Tuesday was one of my dear church lady friend's birthday. So, it only seemed appropriate to plan a semi- surprise party (You know me, I love party planning!!!) First we had dinner at a supposedly "famous" restaurant (at least according to the teachers of my school!) However, neither of the ladies had ever heard of it and I couldn't pronounce the name (hmm...maybe that's why they had never heard of it) All joking aside, our meal was delicious! Fresh fried prawns and miso soup with Bentajima's famous clams. Let me tell you, there are few things more delicious in Japan than this soup chockful of clam shells.

Then we moved to my apartment for a "traditional" American birthday! Here in Japan, the Japanese celebrate birthdays, but definitely not to extent that I'm used to so it was just as much fun for me to plan it as it was for her to have it.

Although Mihoko was turning 71, she said during the course of the evening she got younger and younger.

The yummy strawberry whipped cream cake from a French bakery. (Okay, this might be one of the more delicious things than clam soup!) I decided not to bake a cake as I still can't make boxed browines bake evenly in my Japanese convection oven (or rice cooker :-)

The happy birthday girl!!

"If You're Happy and You Know It"

If you forget to pay your bill, you'll take a cold bath.

If you forget to pay your bill, you'll take a cold bath.

If you forget to pay your gas,

You will take a cold bath.

If you forget to pay your bill, you'll take a cold bath.

If you take a cold bath, tell your VP.

If you take a cold bath, tell your VP.

If you take a cold bath,

She will definitely laugh.

If you take a cold bath, tell your VP.

If the VP knows, she'll tell the school.

If the VP knows, she'll tell the school.

If the VP laughs,

So will the entire staff.

If the VP knows, she'll tell the school.

If everyone knows, they will surely help.

If everyone knows, they will surely help.

If everyone knows,

It'll be the end of your woes.

If everyone knows, they will surely help.

But that is not the end of your problems.

But that is not the end of your problems.

For you'll still pay the bill,

Which means you definitely will,

Have to end up at the bank.

When you go to the bank, you'll use the "tank."

When you go to the bank, you'll use the "tank."

For when you go to bank,

The teller will not take your bill.

So you will have to use the "tank."

But the "tank" is in all Japanese.

But the "tank" is in all Japanese.

So you will look scared,

But they will be prepared.

For they know you can't speak because of your hair!

tank=ATM (it was the only thing I could think that rhymed with
bank!)

Note to self...

Don't press any random buttons in a public bathroom. It may be for the bidet feature on the toilet, or better yet, the call button to inform the entire church that someone needs assistance.