笑美理: A Reason to Smile

It has been my observation that in Japanese society, only the very drunk or the very young will naturally smile. As children get older their expressions decrease until finally they develop what one of my English teachers has dubbed "a wooden face." As one who has always been very emotional, living in a society without personal expression can be very wearing. In fact, when I first entered my school, I felt as if I had to smile for all 470 students. Daily attempting to provide cheerfulness to a classroom of 39 students can be physically, mentally, and emotionally tiring. This time last year, I found myself completely exhausted and instead of maintaining a positive outlook on life I was succumbing to the Japanese unemotional behavior. My smile was slipping away. Last December, during my first visit to the Kimura's house and church in Tokyo, I had the opportunity to talk to Daisuke and Yukiko about the Japanese nature. Daisuke explained that in an attempt to "keep the peace of the community," Japanese people are encouraged to not express their true feelings. Thus, they often hide both their joy and sorrow behind still masks. Daisuke encouraged me not to "lose my smile" in the Japanese society but instead to maintain my show of joy, for in, fact I have true joy. Now that I have overcome most of my mono, I feel as if my energy has returned and that I can once again truly enjoy what I have been called to do. The desire to once again smile was reiterated recently, after a friend suggested I look up the meaning of my name in Japanese. To my pleasant surprise "emi" means "smile" while "ri/li" means "a reason to." Isn't God creative? Here I am in Japan, trying to live my life differently so that I can be a witness to the Japanese people, and my name unknowingly describes my calling as a covenant daughter of the Kingdom!